I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
