YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
