Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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