pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
