She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
