I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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