Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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