And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
