Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
