worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
