i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
