man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
