i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
