Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
