You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
