Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i've created a new STD.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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