why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
