Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
