ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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