im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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