Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
