We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
