Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
