Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
