Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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