im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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