let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
