She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
