Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
