Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Where is the hickey?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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