I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I had to cum in my sink.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
