Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
