Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
