spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
now i know why i became what i already was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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