does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
