she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
