Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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