At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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