I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
