paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
