it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
