So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
