you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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