i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
