there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You can't special order awesome
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
