On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
