my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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