So drunk its hurt
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
