Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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