Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
me + whiskey = a bad person
Randomize
