So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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